Advance care planning means preparing for future decisions about your medical care if you become seriously ill or unable to communicate your wishes. Having meaningful conversations proactively with your loved ones is a key part of this planning process.
Unexpected end-of-life situations can happen at any age, so it's important for all adults to prepare. And while it may feel daunting, there are helpful resources available. Here are some tips on discussing this topic sensitively and effectively.
Preparation
Before initiating the conversation, take time to reflect. Think about your values, preferences, and what you hope to communicate.
- Familiarize yourself with key concepts like advance directives, living wills, healthcare proxies, and palliative care options. This knowledge will help you guide the conversation more effectively. See the Resources section below for helpful articles.
- Choose a comfortable, private setting where everyone can speak freely without interruptions. Ensure that you have ample time, so the conversation isn’t rushed.
- If you sense that the conversation could be especially difficult, consider involving a neutral third party, like a healthcare professional, counselor, or spiritual advisor.
Broaching the topic
By approaching the topic with sensitivity, respect, and openness, you can help ensure that your loved ones feel comfortable and supported during these important discussions.
- Ease into the discussion by sharing your thoughts or experiences. For example, “I’ve been thinking about how I’d like to be cared for if something were to happen to me…”
- Use open-ended questions to encourage dialogue.
- Emphasize that planning ahead is a way to ensure everyone’s wishes are known and respected, reducing stress and confusion later on. For example, “I want to make sure we all understand each other’s wishes to avoid difficult decisions in the future.”
During the conversation
This is an opportunity to share what matters most to you, so speak openly and honestly. Even if you think your loved ones already know your wishes, it’s helpful to confirm and reiterate your thoughts to ensure everyone is on the same page.
- Discuss specific preferences, such as life-sustaining treatments, pain management, hospice care, and where you would prefer to spend your final days.
- Listen without interrupting, and acknowledge their emotions. Give your loved ones time to express their thoughts and feelings. Remember that everyone’s opinions and comfort levels will differ.
Follow up
After the initial conversation, check in with your loved ones to see if they have any new thoughts or questions. This shows that you’re serious and considerate about their feelings and wishes.
- Understand that some family members might need time to process the conversation. Respect their space and give them time to reflect.
- Document your wishes with written records, such as advance directives or living wills, and store them securely. Share copies with close family members as well as your healthcare proxy, and/or medical providers.
- Revisit the topic periodically to review and update plans as circumstances and preferences change.
Resources
The following organizations provide tools and resources to help people have conversations about their wishes for end-of-life care. Some offer links to advance directive forms and other important documents.
CaringInfo (a program of the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization)
National Institute on Aging (NIA): End of life